"Dear, dear! How queer every thing is to-day! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle!" ...from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll.
Yes, this newest journal page truly describes me and my ever-changing perceptions of reality. Some days feel normal and solid, and others, like today, I feel I'm living in an altered reality where nothing is quite familiar, including myself. Rather than trying to figure it out, or freaking out, I'm focusing my energy on staying curious in this present moment. Because afterall, my years have shown me that joy and tears are always right around the corner.
I just came home from an overnight with Heather and the kids; she had several appointments and errands so I got to babysit for much of the day. What a blessed opportunity it is to be a grandparent, I feel so very thankful beyond any words. It is like a second chance, loving the babies so deeply and completely without the baggage I carried around as a new young mom and just thinking about them with a light heart often makes my throat tighten, tears well up and flow down my cheeks if I don't use all my self control to stop them. I'm so teary lately, I find tears flowing several times a day and mainly from beauty and thankfullness, any fullness of emotion. I think it's because I'm totally off all my medications now, and feelings are very accessible to me once again. Even though I would prefer not to cry at the drop of a hat, I am grateful to have my feelings back with me again. Here are a few sweet spots...
and the beautiful earrings I'm wearing were made by my sweet friend, the talented and gentle-hearted Lisa Call.
Violet truly has the heart of an artist... it warms my heart.