a little art and thoughts on rejection

"Oh soul,
you worry too much.
You have seen your own strength.
You have seen your own beauty.
You have seen your golden wings.
Of anything less,
why do you worry?
You are in truth
the soul, of the soul, of the soul.”  -- Rumi

I find myself luxuriating in the moments of these early June days. The weather is warm and sunny and the depression that often plagues me in the spring and fall is now completely gone - such a relief and joy, such gratitude I feel for this time. 

I loved creating the piece above - there are a couple more I also did in this series that I'll show you soon. They were created as class samples for my Artfest proposals, of which I found out this week, were not accepted, so next year I get to be student for 3 days, and take classes from the amazing teachers that Teesha will unveil shortly on her website. 

I must admit, initially I felt the sting of rejection when I got that news, but I'm happy to report that within 24 hours or less, I felt calm and clear and truly trust that it is as it was meant to be. I feel like sharing about my experience, because so many of you who read this blog are artists and teachers and put yourselves out there to the various venues with your proposals and your artwork, and have also experienced the disappointment of not being chosen, of rejection. 

After getting the news, my intention was to accept and allow feelings and thoughts to arise, and to take note of how much of my distress was ego, and how much was (??)  What I noticed in myself were these things: initially my feelings were hurt, for about 15 minutes i took it personally, even though, deep down, i knew it wasn't. Once I got through that, it's like it had to just filter through my physical body, and I was aware of the sensations, the heaviness, the heartache, the fatigue, the thoughts that tried to come in saying that "I" was rejected - those thoughts I quickly recognized and quieted, reminding them that it was my class proposals, not me. 

Within about 10 hours, I noticed I felt some happiness for the spaces that were open for someone else to teach, remembering that every time I get accepted to teach, that means there is one less spot for someone else. I found that focusing on that aspect, that thought, made me feel generous and grateful for all the good opportunities I have been blessed with over my lifetime, specifically during the past several years in my art life, for those openings I have slipped into. I don't choose to live my life as a competition, I don't need to come in first, or to have the label "teacher" or "artist" in order for me to enjoy the creative process any more deeply. Honestly, I think those labels can actually be a hindrance if we are not very vigilant with our motivations and intentions on a moment to moment basis.

 A part of me feels appreciative of this opportunity for "rejection" as it has given me a valuable opportunity to step back, examine my priorities, where my art interests, curiosities, and discoveries are going, my ideas and notions about who I am and why I make and share my art, and why I teach. It has reminded me to stay true to my innermost intentions and not get caught up in the thoughts and activities so seductive to the ego. 

Today I feel grateful for all of it, and feel a strong trust that just as the Tahuya River eventually ends up in the ocean, so all things flowing through my life are heading towards something good.

Comments

[Cindy]

Thank you so much for so honestly sharing your thoughts and feelings - yes, rejection happens, and there are real emotions that surround it. And yes, all things are indeed heading toward something good.
Cindy

[Sharon @ norah'S]

You are the good that I'm heading toward in July. Can't wait. xoxox

[Lisa]

Thoughtful post Katie. It is easy to stand by the way side and not apply...but you are brave in manby ways!

[amanda]

My favorite teacher! I am so thankful to have had your class my first day and first year of artfest. Your wise words stayed with me as I struggled with feelings of inadequacy in my other classes. I learned so much from the process you walked us through.
And my final piece is now on display on my blog. Just posted today.
Oh, if possible, can you please share the name of that zany song from the 1920s that you played in class. It still cracks me up.

[Katie]

Oooh, what a moving post! It's nice to read something so honest. I hadn't read that Rumi poem, it's lovely.

[Katelen Tays]

Thank you so much for sharing your feelings. I am my own worst enemy for my art..I am afraid of rejection and thinking What if they do not like my art. Does that not not make me an artist..I still do not know who they are?
I realized one day, I just have to reach into my soul..There is was..If today is not your day it is another person.. Your day will come and it will be more joyous than when you hoped for the first time. I truly love your work.
Katelen

[Kelly Snelling]

to celebrate life and all the aspects of it is a highly evolved and bountiful blessing. when the weight of the glory or the sadness gets too heavy it is surely powerfully freeing to see clearly. thank you for sharing your insights and how you worked through this. it teaches me, too.

[misty]

you know how i feel... and i agree with you...you are headed towards something good & something wonderful and soul satisfying!
i love that you shared your feelings opening,
and i cannot thank you enough for sharing your life with me and teaching me all that you have... you are such a gift and such an amazing artist. much love, always.

[Allegra]

Oh why do we call it "rejection"? Wouldn't it be more appropriate and less pain inflicting to simply call it what it is: selection? Rejection is such a heavy, wound inflicting word...sigh.

It is not the opposite of acceptance, in my book it is a word all on its own that reflects either a particular choice given that there are too many other choices which are similar or not as practical as those chosen and that it is not a reflection of one's value or one's actions.

Loving your work as much as I do I realize that I have a hard time imagining anyone "rejecting" it.
That said, I can hardly imagine as well how hard it must have been for those making the selection to let the beauty and creativity you bring to their classes let go of it if even for a spell. The window is wide open...

[liz elayne]

thank you for sharing these pieces of you. and the rumi poem. i very much needed to read this today and deeply appreciate and honor the truth you share here. thank you for your wisdom.

[SandraG.]

Hi Katie: thank you for your wisdom and sharing your truth. you truly are an enlightened being and I feel soooo honored to hear/read your words. The outcome of your experience is sooo wonderful, I can't express that enough. I recently submitted a piece for publication and because the publication has been released and I did not get any news or a copy of it, I felt, for just a little while, that "rejection" of not being good enough but my inner spirit reminded me of how very much I loved creating and working on that piece and how grateful I am for the gift that our Creator has given me and that was enough for me to accept and move on with a smile. so reading your post has given me another shot of courage to just keep on keeping on : ) Thank you once again - from my heart to yours.
Blessings, Sandra in AZ

[celeste]

thank you for this!
I've been afraid to submit for any number of shows, teaching, etc and these are all the reasons. I will submit.

[judy wise]

Having been "rejected" a number of times myself, I concur with your hour by hour description of the process of adjusting to the decision. It is a blow that wears off in a day; time passes and new adventures fill the void.In the long run it is impossible to distinguish between good news and bad as live has a way of braiding it all together. Love is the answer, as if you aren't the one who knows this best. Hugs. Soon.

[annie]

hey...sweet one...dan & i too were not chosen for next years line up...and we feel the same way....ouchy at first (ego)...then acceptance and trust for what is! love ya! mmmmmmmmmmm!!! btw...i love these shrines!

[Judy Merrill-Smith]

Thanks for posting this, Katie. It does all of us good to realize how much we all have the same feelings, and how deeply we are all in this life together. I am totally loving your cardboard creations -- fantastic!

[bee]

katie, i love you and miss you with every beat of my heart. you have taught me so much about life and generosity and and this particular post was no exception. xoxo

[Deryn Mentock]

I think it's really hard for our artist's brains to think on a business level...at least it is for this artist's brain! But, the truth is, there are many things that factor into a business decision. Personally, I would LOVE to take this class. Maybe I'll get a chance to in a different venue. Carry on, dear Katie!

[Tracie Lyn Huskamp]

my sweet katie... thank you for sharing these feelings pooling at the surface and those residing deep within... we all must face moments when we have wonderings of why did this happen this way...

i LOVE stephanie lee's wisdom that she shared... that every rejection opens her up for another adventure that would have been lost otherwise.

you are an INCREDIBLE Artist, and Teacher! and ALWAYS WILL BE!

XO

[alex castro ferreira]

you are such an authentic person love you for that. I was feeling a little down myself, with a lot of doubts and reading your wonderful words so sincere so true just lift me up.thanks for sharing your intimacy you are such an amazing and talented artist. XO
alex from lisbon(so hot down here.....)

[mansuetude]

love the Rumi poem, and your "ruminating" honestly too...

[Tess]

DJ this post makes you "real" to me. I so tend to look up to the many artists and teachers I have encountered in blogland. Never having taken a class from you I envy those that have the means to do so. I cannot imagine your work, you art, being rejected but then to read this post and how you were able to put this experience into perspective is a wonderful teaching experience in itself. This post will teach many to stop when those feelings of personal rejection manifest and send them packing. I often cannot even attempt an art project for fear it will be awful and many poems are never heard by another for fear they will be rejected. Words from my heart, my soul, rejected by another. I must remember this rejection is not of me but of the words and the way they are formed. I am printing this post. I love your art and your words and will enjoy the new things you will learn and share here with us.
(Maybe those cardboard art projects could become an online class.)
Tess

[amanda davie]

You are a gentle teacher, and such an amazing talent. Thank you so much for sharing this post with us. I've got a show next week, and those ugly feelings of not being good enough,or having enough "stuff" have been creeping up for a month now. Thank you for the gentle reminder to check my emotions, it will all be ok. PS..hope you will consider the new artwork for a Valley Ridge class!!! sending light and love-amanda

[Tina]

Thank you for such a touching, thoughtful post. There's just so much there. Sharing yourself so deeply is such a gift for those of us reading.

[sue]

Katie, you're a beautiful person-inside & outside-the artwork speaks for itself with all of it's beauty. Being rejected (let's make up a new word for that one that doesn't carry that nasty connotation) is always hard to swallow, but for you, it will mean it'll be taught elsewhere, right? Close to home (my home-lol) I hope. I feel like I've already missed out on so much this summer, next year the plan is to soak it all in, including classes with all my favorite teachers at my favorite place on earth-Valley Ridge! And I have to say, you took the high road by honestly expressing your feelings versus bashing someone for their decision.
As stated earlier, to have turned you down had to be a tough call!

[Chandra]

Katie,
Thank you so very much for sharing your feelings and thoughts about being rejected. I struggle daily with feeling validated, with calling myself and artist, and your words touched my heart to it's core.
Namaste

[miz carla]

two words baby--online classes :D do it and my butt will be in the first virtual seat!!!!

kisses and love

C