"Oh soul,
you worry too much.
You have seen your own strength.
You have seen your own beauty.
You have seen your golden wings.
Of anything less,
why do you worry?
You are in truth
the soul, of the soul, of the soul.” -- Rumi
I find myself luxuriating in the moments of these early June days. The weather is warm and sunny and the depression that often plagues me in the spring and fall is now completely gone - such a relief and joy, such gratitude I feel for this time.
I loved creating the piece above - there are a couple more I also did in this series that I'll show you soon. They were created as class samples for my Artfest proposals, of which I found out this week, were not accepted, so next year I get to be student for 3 days, and take classes from the amazing teachers that Teesha will unveil shortly on her website.
I must admit, initially I felt the sting of rejection when I got that news, but I'm happy to report that within 24 hours or less, I felt calm and clear and truly trust that it is as it was meant to be. I feel like sharing about my experience, because so many of you who read this blog are artists and teachers and put yourselves out there to the various venues with your proposals and your artwork, and have also experienced the disappointment of not being chosen, of rejection.
After getting the news, my intention was to accept and allow feelings and thoughts to arise, and to take note of how much of my distress was ego, and how much was (??) What I noticed in myself were these things: initially my feelings were hurt, for about 15 minutes i took it personally, even though, deep down, i knew it wasn't. Once I got through that, it's like it had to just filter through my physical body, and I was aware of the sensations, the heaviness, the heartache, the fatigue, the thoughts that tried to come in saying that "I" was rejected - those thoughts I quickly recognized and quieted, reminding them that it was my class proposals, not me.
Within about 10 hours, I noticed I felt some happiness for the spaces that were open for someone else to teach, remembering that every time I get accepted to teach, that means there is one less spot for someone else. I found that focusing on that aspect, that thought, made me feel generous and grateful for all the good opportunities I have been blessed with over my lifetime, specifically during the past several years in my art life, for those openings I have slipped into. I don't choose to live my life as a competition, I don't need to come in first, or to have the label "teacher" or "artist" in order for me to enjoy the creative process any more deeply. Honestly, I think those labels can actually be a hindrance if we are not very vigilant with our motivations and intentions on a moment to moment basis.
A part of me feels appreciative of this opportunity for "rejection" as it has given me a valuable opportunity to step back, examine my priorities, where my art interests, curiosities, and discoveries are going, my ideas and notions about who I am and why I make and share my art, and why I teach. It has reminded me to stay true to my innermost intentions and not get caught up in the thoughts and activities so seductive to the ego.
Today I feel grateful for all of it, and feel a strong trust that just as the Tahuya River eventually ends up in the ocean, so all things flowing through my life are heading towards something good.
